Evolved Sexual Union
liberating relational expression
In the fourth year of association, communitarian align their lifestyle and love-style with the principles and practices of Liberated Loving.
When communitarians consciously pursue ‘sexual liberty’ — what does it mean? Does it mean pursuing licence to commit acts of debauchery? Do we desire the annihilation of sentiment within friendships that fall within the boundaries of no sexual exchange or relations with others that entail greater intimacy? Are our love-lives devoid of attachment, tenderness and affection? Do we glorify senseless mindless promiscuity or animalistic sexual satisfaction, any time and place? Nothing could be further from the truth.
In calling for evolved sexual union, communitarians simply claim the freedom to ‘love’ without limits, without exclusive bonds, without the hinderance of ‘ownership’, fetishes, guilt, harm or threat. Through participation in the Gestalt gatherings, communitarians make a concerted effort to evolve social and psycho-sexual temperament, awareness and understanding as well as overcome unhealthy attachments and demands for power and dominance over others.
Installing the Vital Instrument
of Evolved Sexual Union
...progressively-relayed openly honest sex education
In concise terms, communitarian do not demand the liberty with relational expressions to control or suppress the sexual life of another. Neither do we mandate a liberty of relational or sexual expression entered into before the bestowal of an in-depth, progressive and openly relayed sex education. Accordingly, in the fourth year of association, communitarians devote considerable time and effort to acquiring knowledge of the male and female pleasure anatomy, along with progressively mastering the complexities of the sexual psyche and its effects on interpersonal and sexual expression.
Communitarians maintain that the desire and draw toward attaining bodily stimulation of the sense system, is with us from birth – perhaps even originating in the womb. Therefore, providing open and honest progressively relevant dialogue with our children from an early age and stepping up the relay of information in the period preceding puberty, is an important aspect of community-wide co-parenting. As a community, we believe no human being should be left ignorant of anything concerning our bodies or our psyche.
Sex and sexuality are central to the human experience. Denial and suppression have proven to lead not only to disease, but also psychosis, anti-social traits and negative behaviours that include sexual violence and deviance, self-harm and substance abuse. The human sexual life; whether that sexual life is considered from the sentimental, emotional or physiological position, cannot be divorced from the whole of life.
Communitarians consider that everyone, regardless of age or gender; should not only know the sentimental, emotional, and physical delights that the sexual life holds, but also its responsibilities. From this perspective, communitarians believe that those who have bestowed the advantage of skills and knowledge, are in turn, obligated to propagate educational programs that wholistically develop society – advancing its citizens, bringing them into alignment with the conduits that sustain peace and harmony, via developing the capacity to demonstrate ‘love-in-action’ through ‘share all-with-all.’
After passing through training that involves the modalities of ‘evolved sexual expression’ and ‘psychosexual progression’, communitarians devote much of their time, talents and energies to the transfer of knowledge and skills that relate to the development of safer, saner, societies grown from this every same wisdom. Communitarians regularly engage in socio-economic activism that offers practical help and healing along with education and life skills to the many causalities of indiscriminate copulation, left to fend for themselves, via selling themselves as prostitutes, sweat-shop labourers and unremunerated domestic servants that also demands submission to forced sexual service.
For communitarians the idea of separating ‘a liberated sex life’ from a comprehensive and on-going ‘sex education’, is unthinkable. The two must go hand-in-hand and never the cart put before the horse.
Rules of Engagement
Accordingly, communitarians seeking the privilege to engage with established communal unions practicing ‘Liberated Loving’, must first pass through an entire year of rigorous testing and training. During this period those seeking to ‘intimately’ participate in the giving and receiving of sensual pleasure, must consistently demonstrate recognition and adoption of ‘the rules of engagement’.
Within the communitarian unions, the term ‘engagement’ means exactly what it does in secular terms – the promise to enter into full union with heart, mind and body.
However it is to be noted that it is not a promise to unite with just one person – rather it is a promise to unite body and soul with the entire community of communitarians across the globe. It is for this reason that from the fourth year of association on, communitarians adopt the principle and practice of ‘manual pleasuring’ as the only legitimate and acceptable form of safe, honourable and evolved group sexual activity.
Hands applied by up to five attendants supply copious amounts of deliberate, tantalizing pressure and varied gentle and strong stokes to one body – the whole body, including the genitals. No one is denied. Regardless of attractiveness, all are pleasured and offered sensual healing and nourishment, equality.
Intercourse in the form of copulation – penetration, outside a pre-contracted agreement to conceive a child, is strictly prohibited. Those who breach this contract will be immediately banished from all association with the unions.
Those who practice ‘Liberated Loving’ acknowledge and agree that it is up to the woman to choose the mode and hour of conception. Neither sex can be ignorant of the means of conception – only entering into copulation for the agreed purpose of conceiving a child that is planned and thereby fully accommodated and supported to reach adulthood, to be all they can be via the backing of an entire network of co-parents within the many branches of communitarian unions across the globe.
Sharing Love Around
In contrast to the prejudices of religious or civil regularities, communitarians consider the sexual life to be as important as the intellectual life – equally deserving consideration as well as accommodation, akin to all the quests associated with both human development and accomplishment. Just as the experiences of life taken as a whole, present as essential to us, so do experiences within the extent and intent of intimacy appear likewise indispensable.
Within the principles and practices of evolved sexual union lies the fundamental capacity to reject and eradicate the age-old cruel-norm of assigning those who by fate, lack physical attractiveness to a life of forced celibacy. Evolved sexual union requires all within a ‘familiar’ union to ‘share the love around’.
A life of celibacy forced upon those who by fate lack physical attractiveness, yet are endowed with personalities imbued with kindness, gentleness and generosity as well as willingness to share and propagate valuable skills and talent within the community, is far from a fair reward for being ‘beautiful on the inside’, where it counts. And yet it happens every day, everywhere. Men and women who don’t fit the ‘normal’ caste of ‘sexual attractiveness’ – too short, too tall, too fat, too thin, nose too long, hair too sparse, are socially and sexually ostracized – left out in the cold – the door closed to accessing love and affection.
It is on this ground alone that ‘evolved complex relational unions’ have the capacity to transform societies – making them fairer, more loving, healthier, sustainably peaceful and enduring as well as an ecstatic joy in which to live, love and commune.
Out of Bounds - beyond the limits of 'Little Love'
recognizing the essentialness of diverse relational experience to evolve beyond the draws of the primitive undeveloped sexual psyche
Communitarians acknowledge and accommodate the reality that throughout the various stages of life, interest in sex and the type of sexual activity desired, naturally changes and varies from one stage to the next. If we enter into a lifestyle and love-style based on an ethos of liberty, fairness and honour that allows us the freedom to pursue and explore our sexuality, it is likely we will discover that who we are and what we want at sixteen and sixty, are worlds apart.
Practiced with the context of communal union, liberated loving exempts those who practice it from a plethora of archaic and unnecessary emotional and economic entanglements. Within complex union, everyone is free to live a life of true, social, emotional and sexual fulfilment.
According to Émile Armand, the influential 20th Century, French individualist anarchist who wrote extensively on free love/polyamory, intentional community and pacifist/antimilitarism:
‘Sexual life is so complicated that the existence of [multiple] simultaneous experiences of sexual life is easily comprehensible, since in each experience, sometimes it is the sentimental or emotional side which dominates, sometimes the emotional or sensual side, and sometimes is the side of pure physical satisfaction. From experience to experience, the degrees of moral, emotional or voluptuous sensations, vary so strangely that we can conclude from it, that no experience resembles that which preceded it, or is pursued similarly.’
Armand makes a case pertinent to the direction and dedication of communitarians to establish communal unions founded on the principles and practices of ‘inclusive love – loving more’. In the essay published in 1916, ‘On Sexual Liberation’ Armand points out that ‘we do not normally pursue identical experiences.’
Communitarians whole-heartly agree; it is not ‘normal’ to lock oneself into relationships that by design, can do no other than offer up the same experience, repeatedly, over and over again.
Grown from an awareness and honesty regarding how humans are biologically designed, the liberated style of living and loving adopted by communitarians who have entered into communal union, encourages and accommodates diversity of intellectual, as well as, relational experience that includes both emotional and sexual experience. Sharing sensual pleasure within the bounds of evolved and consciously-connected and inclusive communal unions has proven to create the precise environment where intense voluptuous experiences, seed, bloom and flourish.
In agreement with Armand, communitarians place sensual pleasure on the same plane as the intense intellectual pleasures of artistic, literary and other creative pursuits. For this reason, communitarians consider those who place sensual pleasure on a lesser plane – deeming it dismissible, dispensable, or else of trifling importance, as morally mutilated. In contrast, those who live and love within communal union, consider the rich tapestry of life’s experiences to be the very soil which makes growth, satisfaction and contribution, possible. In this context, communitarians consider none of life’s experiences inferior, except those born of fear or imbalances of ‘will’.
Conduits of Sexual Liberty
The above declarations, intend to make it plain that in pursuing ‘evolved sexual union’ communitarians do not promote or practice debauchery, otherwise characterized as ‘loss of moral equilibrium.’ On the contrary, communitarians who have passed through three years of modifying their diets and lifestyle, demonstrating commitment to personal development and gathering to evolve both relational expression and psycho-sexual awareness and progression, consider ‘sexual liberty’ the juncture of consciously-matured individual and civic order.
In the words of Émile Armand:
‘Sexual liberty presupposes an education of the will which permits each to determine for themselves the point where they will cease to be master of their passions or penchants – and education perhaps much more instinctive than it appears at first look.’
Like all liberties, that the sexual life involves an effort, not of abstinence — (in fact, abstention from the experiences of life is a mark of moral insufficiency, as debauchery is a sign of moral weakness) — but of judgment, discernment, and classification. In other words, it is not so much a question of the quantity or number of experiments as of the quality of the experimenter. To conclude, liberty of the sexual life remains united, in our mind with a preparatory sexual education and a power of individual determination.’
Armand further proposes an examination of the legitimacy of jealousy within relationships that unintentionally or intentionally, extend beyond exclusive coupling.
‘If it is true that sexual experiences differ from one another, how can jealousy – morbid attitude of love, exist? Can an individual, subject or object of an experience, reasonably bemoan the lack of necessary qualifications which make one of their fellows the subject or object of another experience? Sentimental experience is one thing, sensual experience another, and the choice of a procreator yet another. It could be that the being a woman chooses for procreator, would not be the one for whom she feels the most affection and that she seeks in the one certain physical qualities to which she is indifferent in the other. Could the one be reasonably jealous of the other?’
For communitarians, Armand makes a valid point. If ‘love’ is truly the basis of relationally intimacy, how can we not want the best and broadest experiences for those we declare we love?
It is for this reason that communitarians sharing in the giving and receiving of pleasure within complex evolved sexual unions, follow Armand’s stance on the invalidity of all notions and rights to display, harm or curtail expanded forms of intimacy via subtle, or else blatant manifestations of possessiveness. Within complex union, displays of jealousy, recognised or not, are met with counsel. Within the Gestalt group settings, communitarians are constantly challenged to identify and ‘root out’ destructive personality traits that curtail and divorce them from sharing all-with-all, including diverse emotionally and sexually satisfying, relational expression and experience.
establishing the foundations of Love-In-Action
From this position, we declare the relational framework of the communal unions to be divorced from perpetuating traditional dysfunctional exclusive coupling that has proven to do no more than infect society with division, selfishness, jealousy, control and domination, along with evoking the sickness of turning in on oneself that results in the inevitable turning on each other.
From this stance, the harmony of complex union, is firmly installed via the principles and practice of inclusive love. In the words of Stephen G. Post and Michael A. Edwards in the introduction to ‘The Love That Does Justice’ – ‘love is radical equality consciousness, a force that breaks down all distance and hierarchy. This is a love that respects the necessary self-empowerment of others, eschewing paternalism and romanticism for relationships of truth and authenticity, even when they move through phases of conflict and disagreement, as all do. This is a love that encourages us to live up to our social obligations as well our individual moral values, connect our interior life worlds to public spaces, encourage collective judgments, and create open networks of self-reflective and critical communication.’
Communitarians aligned with the principles and practices of liberated complex union, believe that a healthy and functional conception of love, like parenting or friendship, is a feeling that expresses itself in action. What we really feel is reflected in what we do – even in how we ‘make love.’ While sweet sentiments and even romantic gestures may dazzle the ego momentarily, authentic love manifests as positively impacting lives through instilling peace, justice and shared prosperity in society as a whole.
Bringing the instinctual draw toward
‘loving more’ out of the Shadows
In 1853, John Noyes, the founder of the more than 300-strong experiment in ‘complex union’, declares in ‘Bible Communism’ – A Summary View of the Oneida Community’s Religious and Social Theories:
‘The plea in favour of the worldly system of sexual intercourse, that it is not arbitrary but founded in nature, will not bear investigation. All experience testifies, (the theory of the novels to the contrary notwithstanding,) that sexual love is not naturally restricted to pairs.
Men and women find universally, (however the fact may be concealed,) that their susceptibility to love is not burnt out by one honey-moon, or satisfied by one lover. On the contrary, the secret history of the human heart will bear out the assertion that it is capable of loving any number of times and any number of persons, and that the more it loves the more it can love.
This is the law of nature, thrust out of sight, and condemned by common consent, and yet secretly known to all. There is no occasion to find fault with it. Variety is, in the nature of things, as beautiful and useful in love as in eating and drinking. The one-love theory is the exponent, not of simple experience in love, but of ‘the green-eyed monster,’ jealousy. It is not the loving heart, but the greedy claimant of the loving heart, that sets up the popular doctrine that one, only, can be truly loved.’
Noyes further extends the case against exclusive coupling by rendering:
PROPOSITION XIII: ‘The law of marriage ‘worketh wrath.’ 1. It provokes to secret adultery, actual or of the heart. 2. It ties together unmatched natures. 3. It sunders matched natures. 4. It gives to sexual appetite only a scanty and monotonous allowance, and so produces the natural vices of poverty, contraction of taste, and stinginess or jealousy. 5. It makes no provision for the sexual appetite at the very time when that appetite is the strongest.
Liberating Love from Shame, Guilt & Hiding
The recognised father of ‘Complex Marriage’ made possible by his recognition of ‘Male Continence’, John Noyes insists that; ‘To be ashamed of the sexual organs, is to be ashamed of God’s workmanship. To be ashamed of the sexual organs, is to be ashamed of the most perfect instruments of love and unity. To be ashamed of the sexual organs, is to be ashamed of the agencies which gave us existence.’
Noyes further points out, ‘a man is not ashamed of his body before his own eyes, but before the eyes of another.’
It is therefore imperative that before communitarians engage in evolved sexual union, they ‘face-up’ to accepting and honouring the body – perceived flaws and all. It is one thing to be modest, however quite another to obstruct and make it difficult for others to love, pleasure, heal and create deeply intimate connection with us because we are habitually hiding.
It is not enough for us that the idea of liberated sexual union be adopted hypocritically and practiced clandestinely. Communitarians insist that sexual liberty be practiced in broad daylight, the same as other liberties – on firm honest ground to contribute to an increase of individual and collective happiness as well as expedite the disappearance of the present state of relational abuse and misery.